If you’re wondering how to talk to aging parents about estate planning, you’re not alone. Many people worry that a medical or financial crisis will happen, and nothing will be in place to help with decision-making. In this article, we’ll discuss how to talk to your parents about the importance of estate planning.
Why These Conversations Are Easier Before a Crisis
Estate planning for aging parents is much easier when your parents are still in reasonably good health and able to make their own decisions. It’s also easier when their finances are stable, as opposed to trying to make a quick decision when they urgently need to pay for medical care or other expenses. The best time to have this kind of talk is when you and your parents have ample time to plan.
Signs It May Be Time to Start the Conversation
It’s never too early to get started on planning for elderly parents, but here are some signs you might want to have the conversation sooner rather than later:
- Milestone birthdays. If your parents are turning 60 or 65—common retirement ages—now might be a good time to find out what, if any, estate planning they’ve done.
- Health changes. If your parents have had any memory lapses, a recent fall, or any kind of concerning health problems, it might be a good idea to talk about planning while they’re still able to do so.
- Life events. When your parents divorce or get remarried, lose a spouse, or have new grandchildren or in-laws, it might be a good time to think about estate planning.
- Financial changes. Did your parents recently retire, sell their home, or experience a change—positive or negative—in income or wealth? These are all signs it’s time to have the conversation.
Questions Adult Children Can Ask Respectfully
It’s one thing to understand that you should have a conversation with your parents about family estate planning. But knowing how to start can be challenging.
Many people feel awkward when asking about their parents’ plans. Some tell us they don’t want to just blurt out, “Have you written a will yet?” They may worry that they sound like they’re only interested in money. Or they might not want to remind their parents that they’re getting older.
Here are some tips to help you ease into the conversation respectfully:
- Lead by example. “I just finished signing the paperwork for my will and other estate planning documents. I feel better knowing that if anything happened to me, the kids would be taken care of. Have you updated your will recently?
- Mention legal issues that have caused you concern. “Bob’s kids are still arguing over how to settle his estate. It would be much easier on everyone if he’d made a will. I was wondering if you have one? I’d hate to think of our family dealing with legal hassles in such a stressful situation.
- Offer assistance. “I know estate planning was a little complicated for me. If you need a hand looking for documents or finding a Florida estate planning attorney, I’d be happy to help.
- Be open about your concerns. “I’m worried that if you get sick and the hospital asks me to make a decision, I won’t know what you want me to do. Have you thought about making a living will or choosing a healthcare surrogate? Can you share with me what kind of care you do or don’t want?
Documents Families Should Discuss
When you talk to aging parents about estate planning, there are several documents you should discuss. These are part of the estate planning process and will help your parents put their wishes into writing:
- Will. This allows your parent to explain how they want their assets distributed after they pass and who should be put in charge of carrying out their final affairs. Having a will in place often makes the probate process easier, and it can reduce disagreements between family members.
- Trust. In some situations, placing assets in a trust can help protect them while still allowing your parent to receive Medicaid or other assistance paying for long-term care. Depending on the circumstances, a trust may also provide tax benefits for heirs.
- Living will. This document allows a person to explain what medical procedures they do or don’t want, including end-of-life care.
- Healthcare surrogate. In a Florida healthcare surrogate document, your parent can choose someone to make medical decisions for them only if they are unable to do so. They can also choose alternate surrogates in case their first choice is not available.
- Durable power of attorney. A power of attorney for aging parents is another important document. Medical crises can also leave families scrambling to figure out who should be handling an ill family member’s finances or other concerns. By creating a durable power of attorney, your parent can designate this person ahead of time. They can choose different people for specific tasks or leave one person with broad authority to make decisions.
Depending on your specific situation, your parent’s Florida estate planning attorney may also recommend additional documents to cover all their concerns.
When Guardianship Concerns May Come Up
Sometimes, clients contact us because they’ve realized that it may be too late to talk to their aging parents about estate planning. Maybe they visited Mom recently and realized that her memory and cognition aren’t what they used to be. Or, maybe they recognized that Dad can no longer live alone safely. They know their parent needs healthcare and possibly long-term care but may not be in a position to make decisions.
What happens in these situations? First, the parent needs a medical evaluation to determine how serious their issues are, and if they are still able to make decisions. If so, then they should sit down with an attorney and begin estate planning right away.
If the parent is not able to make their own decisions, and they didn’t previously choose a healthcare surrogate or power of attorney, then an adult child or another relative can petition the court for guardianship. Should your request be approved, you would be able to make any decisions that your parent has been deemed unable to make themselves. Sometimes, these are limited to specific areas that the parent can’t manage, but in other cases, you may be given more broad authority. If you are currently navigating this with an elderly family member, read our guide on when guardianship is needed in Florida to understand key qualifying factors and how the legal process works.
Applying for guardianship is a multi-step process. Your lawyer will help you file a petition, after which the court will appoint a committee to evaluate your parent’s physical and mental health. They will also appoint an attorney to represent your parent’s interests. Later on, there will be a hearing, and the judge will make a decision. If they believe guardianship is necessary and that you would be an appropriate guardian, you may be appointed as guardian during this hearing.
As you might imagine, this process can take some time, so if you believe your parent or elderly relative is no longer able to make decisions, it’s a good idea to consult a lawyer right away.
How an Attorney Can Help Make the Process Clearer
This article has provided a broad overview of several common estate planning topics. However, once you talk to aging parents about estate planning, both you and they may have more questions. It’s normal for the parent to have specific concerns about their situation. A Florida estate planning attorney will answer their questions and explain the options, so they can make an informed decision about what to do next. Their lawyer will also support them in these next steps, preparing documents and assisting them in completing the process.
Speak With a Florida Estate Planning Attorney
If you or a loved one wants to create a will or other estate planning documents, or you simply have questions or concerns about the process, contact the Law Offices of Rina Feld for a free consultation today. Our legal team will answer your questions, and if you want to move forward, we’ll assist you with your estate planning needs.